Hi Dan Boucher,
Thank you for reaching out to Microsoft Q&A forum. I completely understand how frustrating it is when a new device doesn’t power on, especially after you’ve tried everything you can.
Since the usual troubleshooting hasn’t resolved the issue, the best next step is to arrange a service request for repair or replacement. You can start this process online using Microsoft’s official guide: How to get service or repair for Surface.
If you prefer, in some regions, Microsoft also offers service centers for in-person assistance. These centers provide professional hardware inspection, troubleshooting, and system recovery. If they can’t resolve the issue on-site, they’ll help facilitate sending your device to Microsoft for repair or replacement.
I hope your Surface is back up and running soon.
Thank you for your patience and understanding.
Best regards.